Friday, 22 August 2014

Tales from the post natal ward part 1: Dinner Lady Wars

The dinner lady from Cedar Ward bursts through the double doors and strides up the corridor.  She comes to a stop in front of our dinner cart, chin out, hands on hips.

"Have you taken our serving spoons?"

Sue, Maple Ward's dinner lady, ignores her and turns to me.

"What you havin' love?"


Sue looks at me and makes a show of rolling her eyes before slowly turning to her rival.

"Yes, I've got your serving spoons.  Someone took mine so I took yours."  She holds her gaze and shrugs.

"You just took ours?"


"What am I supposed to use, my hands?"

"Not my problem dear.  I don't really care."  She smiles.  It's a touch sinister.

And she really, really doesn't care.  At all.  There is not one single solitary centremeter of her face that cares in the least what Cedar Ward will use to dish up.

"Er, right then, I'll... um... yeah"

Cedar Ward's dinner lady shrinks under her gaze and retreats back down the corridor.

"Miserable old witch," chuckled Sue.  "Now what you havin' love?"

"Macaroni please, Sue."

Sue is not to be messed with.